


Window

by W_Ing_W_Ing9



Series: Loser [3]
Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Dark, GTOP, M/M, Tradegy, Unrequited Love, gdyb all the way, im sorry, pls dont hate me, this is gonna be a ride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 00:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7197359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/W_Ing_W_Ing9/pseuds/W_Ing_W_Ing9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The third and final part of the Loser series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Window

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've been really taking a long time on finishing this. I know a lot of you have been anticipating this and I want to thank you for being so patient. Thank you leaving so many encouraging comments and please enjoy. If you have comments or questions, be sure to just comment! :D

_[Strangely, I know better about the end_   
_So I’m sad, I’m sadder_   
_When I look at you.]_

   Daesung was snoozing off at Jiyong's head. Youngbae was wide-awake and nervous and scared. He was scared for what will come when they arrived at the HQ and worried for Choi. He still hated Choi. But he felt a strange feeling to look out for the man--probably because he was Jiyong's love. The Chairman was in the next private stall of the private jet and even with the personal walls up, Youngbae could feel the aura of his superior. It was a miracle how Jiyong and Daesung were sleeping.

   When they were "saved" from Choi killing the both of them, Jiyong and Youngbae had been in the back of a van, crying and sobbing before being taken to the Chinese HQ, a branch of the main HQ in Washington,DC. They both took surgeries for their wounds before being room arrested in the hospital wing. Then after a week--without any information on Choi--they headed back to the main HQ. With the Chairman.

   Daesung, god bless the angel, asked special permission from his squad leader and the Chairman to be with Jiyong and Youngbae. With permission, Daesung came onto the flight and became a pillow and personal mom to Jiyong. From cooing gently into his ear, from stroking his hair, and hugging him, Jiyong seemed to have reverted to a child. He was quiet and more reserved. Smaller and fragile. 

   Youngbae let them be. Jiyong couldn't meet his eyes and it hurt Youngbae. How horrible Jiyong must feel to where he can't even look at his lifelong best friend in the eye. But that didn't stop Youngbae from being protective. He didn't let anyone, mark his words, anyone, touch Jiyong at all. Only Daesung. But Daesung was like a mother. Kind, gentle, understanding more than Youngbae. Sometimes, despite the one year difference, Daesung seemed too mature, brotherly even to Youngbae. His smile was reassuring like everything will be okay. And right now, Daesung was only keeping Jiyong together.

   "You okay, hyung?" Daesung asked, his voice barely a whisper.

   Youngbae snapped out from his blink less stare and he rubbed his face with his dry hands. "I don't know." he honestly said, his voice hoarse.

   Daesung shot him a worried smile before he stroked Jiyong's pale strands of hair. Jiyong was sleeping against his shoulder, belt around his waist, poses comfortable. Youngbae had swept a thick blanket on him, noticing before how he was shivering in his sleep. But Youngbae knew Jiyong wasn't sleeping fitfully. His eyebrows were knitted together, his eyes moving behind the closed eyelids, lips opening slightly, and there was a tiny drop of sweat. He awoke with jolts and gasps, sleeping back again when Daesung whispered words in his ear.

   Youngbae felt like Jiyong might be going paranoid.

   But when the flight ended, and Daesung lead Jiyong out from the jet, Jiyong was emotionless when the Chairman was waiting for both of them, a black limousine waiting at the catwalk. Any trace of exhaustion or any fear was wiped out from his face and now he was an actor. Daesung bid goodbye and Youngbae was scared all over again when he left. Jiyong, the blanket over his shoulders, sat by the window of the square seated limousine, the Chairman sitting by the door. Youngbae sat with Jiyong, holding his hand as they rode in silence to the HQ. It was intense and mind wrecking as Youngbae kept biting his lip in worry. It was strange how the Chairman was silent, watching Jiyong like a hawk. Thankfully, Jiyong had his mask on, head on the window as he propped his cheek up, staring absently outside.

   When they arrived, the Chairman waited outside as the two stepped out of the car. "Both of you to my office," he said, voice low and commanding.

   Jiyong finally, looked at the Chairman's eyes and Youngbae shivered at the cold, expressionless look. Jiyong was cold. "Yes, sir," he said.

   "Yes, sir," Youngbae said.

   The Chairman left, casting a final glance before he walked away, his personal assistant following. Jiyong and Youngbae stood where they were and suddenly, Jiyong's legs gave out and he crumpled to the floor, holding his head. Youngbae was instantly by his side, worried. "Jiyong?" he asked as Jiyong sighed loudly.

   "I'm fine, sorry," Jiyong said, using his arm to pull himself up. "Just...gave out, I guess."

   Youngbae let Jiyong take a moment to compose himself. "Just afterward, okay? Then we can just...rest it out," he said.

   Jiyong smiled weakly at him. He gave a single nod. "Yeah," he said. They walked over to the entrance, pushing the doors open. Youngbae felt the familiar weight on his chest again--the suffocation, the heavy atmosphere...the dull gray walls...everything was so dark here. Checking into the lobbyist, they took the escalator to the 2nd floor, the dim sunlight of the early morning beginning to stream in through the glass. They then took the elevator to the office. The office was completely shrouded and it was Jiyong who didn't knock and let himself in.

   The Chairman was standing at the window, back exposed and Youngbae unconsciously hooked his pinky finger with Jiyong's. This time...this time he'll stay with Jiyong. He glanced at Jiyong who had a mask on--cold eyes, narrowed into almost an emotionless killer. Youngbae felt Jiyong hold his hand before letting go and Youngbae suddenly felt afraid.

   "Report."

   The Chairman's voice is commanding, curt, and cold and Jiyong only tipped his chin higher.

   "Agent Taeyang and G-DRAGON reporting in. We've come back from Macau; we did not assassinate the killer. Instead, we have him in custody." Jiyong said, his words clear and strong.

   "And why didn't you kill him on the spot, Agent?" the Chairman finally turned his hands behind his back.

   Jiyong's gaze didn't falter and Youngbae remained silent. "Because I fell in love," Jiyong stated simply.

   The Chairman's strides were long and before Youngbae knew it, he was standing over both of them, expression almost angry. "And why did you fall in love, Jiyong?"

   Jiyong's gaze faltered ever so slightly. "There is nothing for me to state," Jiyong said, voice softer.

   The Chairman stared him down as if it'll make Jiyong small and cower. When that didn't work, the Chairman sighed through his nose, his gaze not tearing away from Jiyong. "Agent Taeyang, please leave."

   Youngbae turned onto him. "I'm sorry, sir, with all respect, I cannot follow that order," he said.

   The Chairman slowly tore his gaze from Jiyong. "Then will you take the punishment?"

   Youngbae calmed his beating heart. His shoulders felt tense and painful as he lifted his chin. "By all means, if you allow it," he said.

   Jiyong grabbed his forearm. "Don't be stupid, Dong Youngbae," he snapped.

   Youngbae turned to him. "I'm not being stupid, Kwon Jiyong," he said, forcing his words to be hard.

   Jiyong was searching his eyes and his earlier remark betrayed his hidden emotions of pain and broken pride.

   The Chairman barked a cruel laugh. "Well, it's always been Jiyong, hasn't it?" he said. "Why don't we let Youngbae take it? It'll save your beautiful face."

   The door opened and the two friends didn't break their gazes even when a pair of agents roughly took Youngbae by the arms and pushing him out of the door. When Youngbae was out, he finally broke the stare and faced forward. Youngbae was only glad he was the one taking it, not Jiyong. Beautiful, endearing Jiyong. He shouldn't take it.

   Youngbae was lead to the cells where the prisoners were and he was forced into a dimly lit room. The Chairman and one agent stood at the door and Youngbae's hands were tied behind his back. Even without speaking, Youngbae already knew. He remembered something from a long time ago when one of the Instructors explained the penalty for not following orders. This was probably it.

   He felt his shirt tear apart, and the cold air hit his back. He was forced to his knees, held down by his shoulder, making him straighten his back. Something smooth traveled against the cold floor and Youngbae closed his eyes. And he felt the first lash of agony. Youngbae screamed, his back hurting, dripping with blood and skin. Blood roared in his ears and he bit his lips as another lash struck his back. He refused to admit his pain as lashes came down onto his back. Something dripped from his chin and tears streamed his cheeks.

   But it was okay. At least it was Jiyong. To tell you the truth, Ji, I love you. Youngbae thought the crack of the whip came down, blood and skin burning. Youngbae shut his eyes tight, screaming into his lips as blood dripped more from his chin. Until finally, time stopped altogether.

   "That's enough."

   Youngbae gasped and he fell over, breathing and panting against the cool stone. He felt his shoulders tremble uncontrollably and he feared what the next would come. Hands pulled his shoulder, fingers digging into the ripped skin and Youngbae winced, biting his roar of agony when water suddenly splashed his back. The pain was excruciating and Youngbae blacked out.

   The last thing he saw was the Chairman leaving and Youngbae felt a swirl of despair.

* * *

 

 

_[When I look at you_   
_I see you for the last time.]_

 

   Even with Daesung's and Seungri's embrace, Jiyong cried for all he cared. They were in Daesung's and Seungri's shared room and Jiyong was wrapped in a thick wooly blanket. Seungri was rubbing his back and Daesung only laid his head on Jiyong's shoulder. There were no words of assurance, no promises, no words at all. Jiyong was in a tight, small ball, his body shaking as he now sniffled, eyes puffy, and a thousand negative feelings in his head.

   Regret for falling in love.

   Disappointment for failing Youngbae.

   Despair for Youngbae taking the punishment when it was Jiyong who was supposed to.

   And sadness, because everything was all his fault.

   It swirled inside, black, bleeding, and whispering in his ears as he felt a sob rack his thin body.

   "Hyung," Daesung hugged him, rocking their bodies into a calming sway. "They're not going to kill him, hyung," he said, the first words of assurance. Although it didn't sound so convincing to Jiyong, he felt himself hang onto it. They wouldn't kill Youngbae. It was a just penalty. Cruel penalty that countless have gone through, others hiding their backs or exposing it. Jiyong didn't know if Youngbae would expose it or hide it and that made him want to kill himself.

   "I'm such a monster," Jiyong whispered, angry at himself.

   "No, you're not, hyung. You're human." Daesung gently assured. "We all fall in love, hyung."

   Seungri nodded beside him. "Bae-hyung's gonna be okay. I know it," he said.

   And Jiyong believed him.

   When he fell asleep, he felt himself getting roused when Seungri woke him up. "Hyung, hyung?" Seungri was shaking him up now. "They said Bae-hyung's in the infirmary."

   Jiyong felt his eyes open with a flash and he sat up. "What, Youngbae's okay?"

   "I'm not sure about okay since he took about 10 lashes," Daesung said and Jiyong's guilt spiked all over again, making his breath hitch.

   Jiyong threw off the covers. "I have to see him."

    Seungri and Daesung didn't even have a chance and Jiyong was already out of the door. His feet pounded on the smooth ground and he was flinging himself to every corner, apologizing curtly when he ran into someone. He probably looked horrible, but he didn't care. He needed to see Youngbae quick. He finally exploded into the infirmary, eyes frantically searching for Youngbae. He finally noticed the washed blonde in the corner and he calmed himself, walking to the back. He opened the curtains and the sight of his back made Jiyong gasp. But it wasn't from him--it was from Daesung and open-mouthed Seungri. Jiyong sunk into the chair by the bed, and he touched Youngbae's cheek. It hurt his chest when Youngbae flinched and when he opened his eyes, he smiled...still warm, still loving and Jiyong let out a bubbly laugh of relief. He was alive.

   Jiyong cried into his neck and he felt Youngbae's hand in his hair. "They didn't hurt you?" Youngbae's voice was scratchy.

   "You idiot," Jiyong said, wiping his tears. "You're an idiot."

   Youngbae laughed weakly. "I'm okay, Ji," he assured. "It just hurts."

   Jiyong looked at his back. The skin was torn and some places still bleeding. There were painful yellow swelling along the struck lines and there were black and blue welts. It was hard to look at but according to the doctor, it was healing significantly well. It relieved Jiyong and he held Youngbae' hand as he watched him sleep. He wouldn't leave his side.

   "Hyung, we have to go," Daesung said and Seungri nodded. "I'll drop by later."

   "Okay," Jiyong said and he felt their embrace before leaving. He turned to Youngbae who was sleeping. He looked like in a lot of pain but otherwise, he was sleeping. He stroked his hair, brushing his fingers against his skin. His tattoo was left bare, strangely, and Jiyong laid his head on the bed, closing his eyes to sleep.

   He didn't really realize it but he was exhausted. Everything was so tiring to him and he welcomed sleep, as long as he was with Youngbae. He didn't think about Seunghyun. He tried not to.

   When he awoke, there was a blanket over him and a cup of iced water on the nightstand beside his table. Youngbae was awake, watching and Jiyong suddenly felt his face flush. He straightened his back. "Sorry," he apologized.

   Youngbae laughed. "I'm glad you slept," he said, readjusting his head. He was on his chest, back exposed. He was forced to sleep on his face which didn't seem to bother Youngbae. "Is my back better?" he asked.

   Jiyong peered at it. The yellow swelling was starting to lessen and the skin was still angry and bleeding. The welts were purple now, a sickly color, but the doctor was right. Youngbae's back was healing. "Your back is better," Jiyong said. "The ointment is working."

   Youngbae sighed in relief. "That's good," he said.

   Jiyong pushed his bangs out from eyes. "Yeah," he said, quietly.

   Youngbae stared at him. Jiyong met his eyes. "How does your back feel?" Jiyong asked.

   Youngbae smiled a little. "They put this cool ointment on it. My back feels like it's on fire and on ice." he explained. "If I move my muscles, it really hurts and that makes it hard to move at all."

   Jiyong got silent at that. "It should've been me," Jiyong said. "If I did it, at least you didn't have to suffer."

   "At least we're together," Youngbae said.

   Jiyong smiled. "Yeah," he said, sadly. "But...there's so much I hate myself right now, Youngbae," Jiyong admitted, his throat feeling choked up, chest tight. "I don't know what to do with myself. I wish...I never went out that night." Another set of tears welled up in his eyes. "And...Youngbae, the truth is...I don't think I loved Seunghyun."

   Youngbae was watching intently now. Jiyong tried to swallow the panic in his throat as his heart began to beat, drowning out the chatter and utensils clattering in the infirmary. "I was so confused. I was oblivious to my own feelings and I...hurt you so much." Jiyong felt hot tears streak down. "I don't know how to tell you any more, Youngbae," Jiyong said.

   There was something flickering in Youngbae's eyes and that only made Jiyong feel worse. "I'm sorry," Jiyong said, feeling himself break down.

   "Don't ever say sorry to me," Youngbae gently said. "You never hurt me, Ji," he assured. "It's okay, Ji. I don't want you to get hurt, Jiyong."

   Jiyong smiled bitterly and Youngbae closed his eyes again. Jiyong watched him sleep and he stood. "I'll be back, Bae," he whispered. "Sleep tight."

   Youngbae nodded, eyes closed, and Jiyong stood up. He kissed Youngbae's forehead, brushing away the stray hair. He left the private stall of the bed and closed the curtains. He walked out of the infirmary, ignoring the stares he received. He saw the Chairman walking with important men behind, face stoic and Jiyong began to walk toward him. Without even looking at him, he crossed his path, walking to the garage and didn't look back. He could feel his stare on his back, burning him, and Jiyong disappeared down the stairs to the underground garage.

 

   Jiyong wasn't drunk. He just wanted cool air. The streets of Washington were a little empty in the deep night. Cars still passed by and lights were still on. But Jiyong felt a pit of dark loneliness that drove him nuts. He sat on the curb of the street he was walking on, pulling his legs up to his chest and staring at the dark streets. A car passed, lighting his face pale before leaving. The feelings of guilt, self-anger, and regret turned darker inside him, making him feel exhausted and depressed. He kept feeling sorry towards Youngbae and anger towards himself. And...he kept thinking about Seunghyun.

   Beautiful, sexy, alluring Seunghyun. The man he dreamed of being with if he wasn't an agent, the man he slept with and thought he was his life's true love. But Jiyong should've known. In his life, there was no time for love, no "life's true love". He was an agent, honed to kill, honed to deceive. And he hated himself that very moment. Because he missed Seunghyun. He really did.

   "I fucked up everything." Jiyong murmured to himself, despairingly.

   He laid his head on his knees, wishing everything wasn't real. But of course, it hit him all again, and when it did, it knocked his chest of breath. Jiyong suddenly smirked, chuckling bitterly at himself. He was just so pitiful. He came out to escape the HQ and the burdens and Youngbae. Not for air. Jiyong began to laugh and he stood up, getting on the cement sidewalk.

   He pulled his coat tighter against his body, finding the cold, chilly night cold. Just as he was going to turn into the dark alleyway and into his car, he saw a black car, a limousine, pull up beside him. Jiyong watched the window slide down and he was greeted with the Chairman's face. Disgust and hatred filled Jiyong as he kept his face void of emotions. Never would he show this man his emotions.

   "I didn't think I'd find you here." the Chairman's voice was cool but not cold and curt as before.

   Jiyong shrugged a shoulder, leaning against the sign pole. "My mission is done. Don't I, at least, get to lose myself in the city streets of Washington?" he said.

   The Chairman thinly smiled. "Of course, you do," Then he paused. "I can feel your hatred towards me," he said and Jiyong answered him with a smirk, not matching his gaze. If Jiyong spoke, he wouldn't trust himself. "It looked like you intended to walk past me earlier."

   Jiyong still didn't respond. He slid a hand along his hair, acting like he didn't care. The Chairman was trying to press some sensitive buttons and he was, oh, yes, he was. And if he ever brought up Youngbae, Jiyong would murder him. The Chairman was silent and then Jiyong heard the sound of the door opening and he found himself towered over. Jiyong still didn't look and a gloved hand took his chin. He was then, forced to look into the Chairman's face.

   "Why do people do that?" Jiyong said, slapping the hand away. He took a step back. "I guess I'm small enough for men to tower over me and hold my chin like I'm a toy," Jiyong said with a bitter laugh. "Men who love hurting others," he said, boldly, staring at the Chairman.

   The Chairman's thin smile disappeared and Jiyong felt a sense of quiet and small victory.

   Jiyong then turned. He walked toward his car, taking out his keys and suddenly, his wrist was pulled harshly and the Chairman's voice sent shivers down his ears. "Don't you ever turn your back on me, Jiyong," he said, voice filled with authority. "Ever."

   Jiyong really then laughed. He barked it out causing the pressure on his wrist loosen and Jiyong took a step back, tilting his head as he laughed, feeling his back hit a wall, as he pushed an arm into his eyes. He let his laugh die, staring upwards as tears filled his eyes. "You've got to be shitting me," he said and the Chairman watched him. "I turn my back on everyone. I did, even on Youngbae." Jiyong felt his tears fall as he said Youngbae's name. "I turned my back on the man I loved," Jiyong said, his voice now hard and cracking with emotions. "You hurt those I loved, people I didn't want to get hurt!" Jiyong screamed. "And you're telling me to not turn my back on you? The person who made me the person I am now?"

   The Chairman was silent and Jiyong shook his head. "I never wanted to be an agent," Jiyong said. "I didn't want to be a killer. I just wanted to be a normal person. You made me who I am. You shaped me. You taught me to be a killer with no emotions so-" Jiyong took in a rattling breath. "Let me be," he said. "This is who I am."

   Still silent, Jiyong picked up his keys and turned his back. Then he held his river of tears before getting into the car, starting the engine, and hitting the gas pedal. Only then, he let it go. The Chairman still stood where he was and he turned to a black dot as Jiyong drove away.

   Jiyong finally pulled up to a corner and he laid his head lightly on the steering wheel, drying his tears, and taking deep breaths. He then pulled out his phone and saw a text from Seungri. Dae-hyung and I will be with Bae-hyung. Jiyong smiled, relieved and he checked the time. "It's only 10," he said. He pondered over some things and finally Jiyong turned to his phone and called someone.

   "Hello?" a woman's voice said. "What's up, Ji?"

   Jiyong held the phone to his ear. "You have time to pretty me up?" he asked.

* * *

 

_[You’re still pretty, prettier_   
_When I look at you.]_

   Daesung was watching Youngbae intently and Seungri was just watching the two, looking a little lost as Youngbae watched Daesung out the corners of his eyes...like they were both anxious around each other. "What the heck's going on?" Seungri finally said, throwing his hands in the air. "Are you two having a staring contest I don't know of?"

   "Hey, Seungri," Daesung said, pulling Seungri into his angle. "What do you think of his eyes?"

   Seungri looked at Youngbae at a different angle. He didn't really see anything. Just Youngbae lying on his front, blonde hair messy, shoulders relaxed and smooth, face cheeks being face cheeks, eyes being...oh. Seungri finally noticed it. Youngbae's eyes were slightly pink and swollen. Signs of crying. "Oh," Seungri said.

   Youngbae groaned and hid his face into the pillow.

   "Oh." Seungri said. "I see now."

   "Are you sure?" Daesung said, giving him a look. "I mean, it's not just me right?"

   Seungri nodded. "Yeah...hyung, what's wrong?" he asked, worry lacing his voice.

   "Did you fight with Ji-hyung?" Daesung asked.

   Youngbae shook his head. "God, no," he said and he turned his head towards them. "He just left. I don't know where."

   Daesung noted how Youngbae was smoothly dodging the question. He wasn't sure if he should press on or leave Youngbae. "Hyung," he said. "You can't really hide anything."

   Youngbae sighed. "I know," he said, dejectedly.

   Seungri pat Youngbae's head. "You want to tell us?" he asked, softly.

   Youngbae burrowed his head into the pillow and Daesung felt his side ache. Youngbae suddenly looked helpless and pitiful. He looked torn...physically and mentally. "It was what Ji-hyung said, huh?" Daesung said.

   "I think he loves me back," Youngbae said and Seungri stopped patting Youngbae's hair.

   Daesung stilled. "But that's another 'you think'." Daesung hated to be technical but he didn't want Youngbae to be giving hope to himself and then lose himself again. "What happened really?" Daesung asked.

   Youngbae sighed before he faced his head toward them. "Well, he just blamed himself. He sounded really angry at himself and he sounded really regretful. He said he regretted going out that night when he went out to tip Choi's drink...how he should've just taken the whipping himself. And-"Youngbae took in a shaky breath. "He said he didn't know what to say to me. He didn't know what to do and that he didn't know what to do with his feelings. He said he was oblivious to his own feelings and he didn't how to me."

   Daesung felt a stab of aching in his chest. Even though this didn't concern any of them, Daesung could already know how Jiyong felt. Jiyong loved Youngbae;he had fallen in love with Youngbae but he didn't want to ruin their ten-year relationship and began to turn away from it. It was all a misunderstanding and ball of mess. Youngbae had said the same thing and it hurt Daesung how the both of them were so close yet didn't know each other's feelings. True feelings. Daesung knew what Jiyong meant and he wasn't sure if Youngbae did too. He was afraid to say it.

   "I don't know what to do with myself either." Youngbae said. "But right now, I want to find him, and just assure him. I don't want him hurt. I just want to keep him safe."

   "I sent him a message." Daesung piped up, hopeful Youngbae would be a little assured. "The message was read so I'm sure Jiyong is somewhere safe."

   Youngbae smiled a little. It seemed to have worked and Daesung smiled back. "Do you know what's going on with Choi?" Youngbae asked.

   Daesung shook his head. "I don't even know where they took him," he said and Seungri nodded.

   Youngbae sighed. "He even said he didn't even love Choi," he said.

   "This is pretty messy," Seungri said, leaning back against the chair and messing his hair up.

   Daesung let a silence fill the air. And then suddenly, his phone vibrated violently in his pocket, making him jump in surprise. Youngbae gave him a curious look and Seungri leaned in to look at the caller. "Oh." Both of them said in unison.

   "Who is it?" Youngbae asked, wincing so he could get up. Seungri instantly got to his feet, gently pushing him down. "Hyung, you're gonna get hurt," he said.

   "Who is it, Dae?" Youngbae repeated. 

   "It's Jiyong-hyung," Daesung said, picking the call. "Hello?"

   The sound of the bass and voices instantly greeted him. Daesung frowned. Jiyong was in a club? In this time? "Hey, Dae? Oh shit." Jiyong's voice was slurred slightly and there was a sound of glass shattering. "I left my car at Sandra's place. You think you can pick me up?" He finally said.

   Daesung smoothed a hand through his hair. "Okay, I'm coming, Ji." He said and hung up, standing. Youngbae gave him an expectant look and Seungri looked confused. "Jiyong-hyung's drunk and I'm gonna go get him," Daesung said, taking his jacket.

   "Oh," Seungri said and he glanced at Youngbae who relaxed his head.

   "I'll be back," Daesung said and he moved the curtains surrounding the bed, emerging out from the dark patient room. He quietly made his way out, letting the door close silently as he took the emergency stairs down to the garage where his Mazda car was. He quickly geared it up, backing out from his parking spot and sped out into the open, silent, city.

   He found Jiyong, sitting by the curb of the only night club he went to in the city. He wore rather stylishly, a large black and white long fur coat. He wore ripped, washed jeans with sleek black shoes. His hair was styled into a wide mohawk and his head was bowed. Daesung pulled up right in front of him, the headlights on his small body. Jiyong raised his head up and Daesung didn't break his stare as he got out from the car, gently sitting next to Jiyong. "Hyung, I'm right here," he said. "Let me take you back, okay?"

   Jiyong didn't say anything and Daesung got him to his feet. Jiyong stumbled and Daesung hauled him so he was leaning all his weight towards Daesung. Jiyong sighed through his mouth and he let out a small chuckle. "Sorry," he said. "I'm a little drunk but sober enough to think."

   Daesung finally hooked an arm under Jiyong's knees and one hand on Jiyong's back, carrying him. Jiyong wrapped his arms loosely around his neck as Daesung brought him to the passenger seat, carefully letting Jiyong sit on the seat. He didn't smell of alcohol, but he did smell of sweat. Not the sex kind of sweat. He closed the door after he thought Jiyong was fine before he got in and started the car to the HQ.

   "I'm not drunk, Dae," Jiyong said. "I only drank a little before I lurched and then I gave up." He didn't look Daesung as he said this.

   "Are you okay, now? Health-wise." Daesung asked.

   "I'm fine, I just..." Jiyong broke off and Daesung entered the garage. In one turn of the wheel, Daesung had smoothly parked the car into one of the spots near the elevator. "I know what's going on, Hyung," Daesung said, gently and he saw Jiyong face him with glassy eyes. "And the fact that you love Youngbae-hyung."

   "You knew?" Jiyong whispered.

   Daesung smiled as assuring as he could. "Hyung," he said. "Of course, I would."

   Jiyong let a tear slip. "I don't know what I'm doing right now," he said, his head back, arms over his eyes, as his voice broke. "I really fucked up so much."

   Daesung was tempted to tell Jiyong that Youngbae loved him too, that he loved Jiyong, that he wanted Jiyong to be happy and protected. They just didn't want to hurt each other by telling feelings that may ruin their relationship. It was all one big mess. But Daesung kept his mouth shut. "Hyung, let's get you back to your room, okay? Take a shower, dress, sleep and we can visit Youngbae tomorrow."

   Jiyong wiped his eyes and took an intake of breath. "He doesn't hate me, does he?" he asked rather meekly.

   Daesung stroked Jiyong's hair. "He would never, ever hate you, hyung."

* * *

 

_[This might be the last time we say goodbye_   
_This might be the last time we say goodnight.]_

   When Daesung came back with the stench of sweat, Youngbae was asleep. Seungri was gone-probably at the dorm sleeping-and Daesung applied another layer of cool gel. It was working well so far and--with the small knowledge of his doctor training from the Academy--within about two more weeks, Youngbae's back would be healed...he might feel scratchy but there would be no pain...if he continues to use the gel. Daesung made sure he covered all of the marks, and his fingers smoothed over the untouched tattoo above his shoulder blades, stretching along his upper back. It was a religious tattoo of Jesus Christ on the left, the Holy Cross in the middle, and Jesus Christ reborn in the left with arms spread out. Youngbae was religious, used to always attending church with Daesung every Sunday mornings. It stopped when both Jiyong and Youngbae had more missions and Daesung was left to go alone.

   Daesung wiped his fingers on a tissue, throwing it away when he's used it all. Youngbae was sleeping rather deeply and Daesung stood. Youngbae would be fine. He went back quietly out and ran into the Chairman who was walking with a few other men behind. Daesung saluted and the Chairman merely glanced at him before he walked on into the brightly lit corridors.

   Daesung relaxed and he went the opposite way.

 

   Jiyong was horrified. He was with Youngbae, his back now healed-not fully, but able to move and flex his muscles. Youngbae looked horrified as well, his eyes going wide, mouth open.

_I repeat. American CIA Agent Seunghyun Choi will be executed a week from today, August 11. Agent G-DRAGON will carry out the execution under the surveillance of the Chairman and his advisors._

   Jiyong felt a rush of horror and anger overwhelm him as the hands bandaging Youngbae's back shook. Jiyong finally let his hands fall to his lap as he tried to catch his breathe. Suddenly, the curtains of Youngbae's bed opened and Jiyong looked up to see the Chairman. He smirked smugly. "I pray you heard the speaker?" he asked.

   Jiyong clenched a fist to calm the shakiness. "Why?" he only said. "Is this your revenge for my defiance?"

   "It's your punishment, Jiyong. Plus, you haven't really finished your mission. You didn't kill him." the Chairman gave him a cold sidelong look. "Now's your chance. After all, you love him didn't you?"

   "Don't," Jiyong said, turning away.

   The Chairman gave him a questioning look. Jiyong slowly raised his eyes and cast a glowering glare. "I seriously might kill you if you go on." His voice was deep, threatening, and full of malice. A look Youngbae rarely sees.

   The Chairman's smirk only got wider. "You can't kill me, Jiyong." he chuckled darkly. "You don't have the heart."

   With that, the Chairman left with a turn, his heels clicking on the tiles before Jiyong could really hear he was gone. Jiyong leaned against Youngbae and he fought tears coming on. This was too harsh. He'd seen Seunghyun, how broken, how hurt he was. What was worse was Seunghyun still loved him. He wasn't even angry. He only smiled so weakly, and only could weakly strain against the ropes tying him down to the chair.

   "I'm gonna kill myself," Jiyong whispered.

   "No, you're not," Youngbae said firmly. "We're going to get through this."

   "Through?" Jiyong asked.

   Youngbae nodded. "I told you that time, remember? That I wished we could live normal lives? That it's not too late?"

   Jiyong let the realization dawn upon him. "What are you trying to say?" he asked, voice dropping to a whisper.

   Youngbae held his gaze. "We're going to get out of here, Jiyong. With Choi."

   "How?" Jiyong hissed. "We'll be surrounded."

   "Not if we kill the Chairman," Youngbae said.

   Jiyong let a disbelieved laugh bubble out from his mouth. It sounded crazy, but Jiyong didn't feel so despaired. They could succeed. They didn't graduate from the Academy in three years for nothing. Jiyong could hope again. This time, he felt better, more confident, because Youngbae was with him. "So, what's the plan?" Jiyong asked.

   "First, we tell Dae and Seungri," Youngbae said. "Dae will disable all the cameras and cause a blackout."

   "He'll hack the system," Jiyong said, eyes widening, now catching where Youngbae was going.

   Youngbae nodded, grinning. "Then when you're in there, we'll have to act fast."

   Before Youngbae could say anything more, Jiyong nodded quickly. "I get it now."

   "It's a risk," Youngbae admitted. "But I can't think of anything else."

   "Do you think I could visit Seunghyun?" Jiyong asked.

 

   Dae was more than open to the idea. But he looked afraid. It wasn't something he'd do and it was putting his life at risk. "Seungri's coming with me," Daesung said as Youngbae finished his plan. "I'll erase all the files on us, I'll delete all the footages." He said. "But Seungri's coming with me."

   "Just get as far as you can," Jiyong said. "If we could meet in Korea, it'd be great." He grinned at that. "To home."

   "Home," Youngbae repeated. "Yeah, our real homeland."

   "Okay, let's get our plan started," Youngbae said and they all leaned over the coffee table in the cafe.

 

   Jiyong trained himself to exertion the next few days before D-DAY. His knuckles were bruised and split from the repeated punches on the punching bag, he had muscle cramps and painful aches all over his body but he savored it. The small fat he gained from his "rest" disappeared, leaving a thin yet lean body. He wasn't as lean as Youngbae or muscular as Daesung, but he hadn't lost his skills. He practiced gunning and knife-throwing while Daesung secretly worked on a program and Youngbae went out to make new bank accounts and deposited money.

   The days passed, and the stress and anxiety began to weigh down on Jiyong's shoulders. It was comforting to have Youngbae but Jiyong began to have doubts. He tried not to think about it, tried not to think the negative things. But it seemed there was always an "if". Finally, he consulted Daesung who was sitting in front of a monitor at his shared dorm room with Seungri. The room neither would return to by the end of the tomorrow.

   "Hyung," Daesung took his eyes away from the screen. "It's gonna work." He assured. "The blackout for ten minutes should be enough."

   Jiyong nodded, letting the assurance calm his doubts. "Yeah. And I know you're capable of doing that." He smiled, hanging his head. "We can get out this." He said. "I know we can."

   Daesung smiled. "We can, hyung. We can."

   And Jiyong believed him.

* * *

 

_[Baby slow down, m whole body is shaking_

_On a sunny day, it suddenly rains on this window]_

  
  
_10 minutes._ Youngbae thought as he followed Jiyong who was following the Chairman. _As soon as the blackout occurs, I'll gun the people down, Jiyong will get Choi and maybe kill the Chairman, and in the remaining five minutes, we run for it._ He kept repeating that in his head as he watched Jiyong walk in front of him. The anticipation and anxiety were killing his heart, turning it into a beating timer. It was amazing how Jiyong could keep a straight face. They were entering a die trying situation and it could cost them their lives.

   "You're quite armed to execute your lover," The Chairman said as they stopped in front of a door. "Are you going to torture him?"

   Jiyong ignored him and went inside first. 

   The Chairman's guards went inside first and Youngbae followed lastly, closing the door with a soft click. He stood a good two feet away from the door so not to appear suspicious and he stood tall, hands behind his back. The torture calls were too unnecessarily spacious for its own good with white stone walls and bright lights. Jiyong's back was tense as he stood in front of the Choi, now covering his view. He saw blood on the floor, red against white and Youngbae glanced at the Chairman, who was staring at Jiyong with an almost amused face. It sickened Youngbae and he prayed to God that this would be a success. 

   "Any last words, Choi?" The Chairman asked. 

   Youngbae held his breath and heard an inaudible intake of breath. "My last words are that you drop dead and bleed." Youngbae closed his eyes when he heard something snap back. There was a bitter chuckle and then Youngbae saw a ball of spit red from the blood on the ground right by the Chairman's feet. 

   "I find this situation Shakspearean," the Chairman said, his voice deep. "A pair of star-crossed lovers...one ready to die, one ready to kill." He chuckled darkly. 

   Youngbae gripped his fingers tight noticing how Jiyong's shoulder shifted. In a single fluid movement, Jiyong had a gun aimed at Choi's head. Choi's head which was hung limply, now raised, stared with blank eyes. Blood caked his face, dark circles under his eyes. There was a flash of a weary smile and Youngbae felt the countdown in his head. 

   A click of the gun, an intake of breath, a drop of sweat. 

   And grim anticipation. 

   The lights went out and Youngbae pulled out two guns, already gunning down the Chairman's guards. He heard cries and two bodies thumping to the ground. He heard the scrape and screech of metal against the stone and then gunshots fired off. Youngbae had the door ready and in the dark, he saw that Jiyong had Choi. The Chairman's body was sprawled out on the floor. "Did you-" he asked but Jiyong shook his head. 

   "I didn't kill him," Jiyong grunted and pushed the door open. 

   Instantly, there were flashes of lights and voices. The corridors were dark and many were trying to contact the maintenance. "Hey. what's going on-" Youngbae smashed his fist into the man's nose and, pushed Jiyong. "Go, I'm right behind you!"

   "Get them, they have Choi!" "Someone get the maintenance!" 

   Suddenly, gunshots fired and Youngbae just pushed in another barrel. He shot three that were nearby and guarded Jiyong and the half-dead Choi. He was too exhausted and too hurt to run properly and Jiyong was half-carrying him. "Head for the emergency stairs!" Youngbae pushed them around the corner and shot two as Jiyong pushed open the door. And then Youngbae was right behind, barricading then inside and shut the door, gunshot hitting the thick steel and glass. "We better hurry," Youngbae said. "The lights are going to be on in another five minutes and we still have to enter the garage to the Hummer."

   Jiyong nodded once, pushing in a barrel into his gun before squatting in front of Choi. "Just a little more--oh shit."

   "What?" Youngbae said, looking over his shoulder. 

   "Bullet on his calf, bleeding like hell," Jiyong shrugged off the jacket he wore, ripping, before tying it around Choi's wounded area. Sweat was dripping down his neck and face. 

   "Here," Youngbae pushed the car keys into his hands. "You drive. I got Choi," he said and took Choi's arm over his shoulders. "Okay, Jiyong?"

   Jiyong nodded and Youngbae caught his eyes glassy before he ran down the stairs. Youngbae followed, grunting and told Choi to wake up and at least fall into step with him. The taller man lets out a groan and Youngbae felt them moving faster. They were almost down to the last flight of stairs until someone burst from the door. "Put your hands down and-" but the man didn't have a chance to even finish. 

   Jiyong had swiftly thrown a knife right into his jugular vein of his neck, pushing the body away when he stuck his head out. "Coast's clear, let's move," he said. 

   Youngbae followed Jiyong and noticed an agent hiding in the cars. With a shaky arm in an effort to keep Choi on him, he shot the man straight into his forehead and moved after Jiyong who had the car started. "Sorry," Youngbae said and with the last remaining strength, he threw Choi into the back seat, climbing in after. "Go, go, go!" Youngbae yelled. 

   Jiyong sped up, crashing into the admittance bar and out into the streets of Washington, DC. Youngbae shifted in the back and without thinking, laid Choi's head on his lap as the man fell into another unconscious state. Or so he thought. Choi's eyes fluttered open suddenly, Youngbae saw two helicopters overhead. Two cars were on their trail and he glanced at Choi. "Jiyong, step on the pedal," he said, shuffling around in the back. He opened a case and pulled out two sniper rifles. One was loaded with explosive bullets, one filled with AP bullets. 

   "They're on us?" Jiyong asked. 

   "Yeah," Youngbae answered. "Choi, you better not distract me," he said, taking aim on the noticeable cars. A bullet flew past his face and he didn't flinch. 

   On his legs now, Choi chuckled. 

   Youngbae took careful aim, pulling the trigger, not pausing to make sure he hit the target. Snipers were is an area of expertise and he never missed. One car exploded, flipping, before bursting. He shot another at the one speeding towards their car and shot that one down. "Alright, two down, ready to take down the helis." He switched guns, aiming for overhead. 

    "That sniper's bullet's isn't going to make it," Choi commented. 

    "Choi, did Jiyong ever tell my nickname was 'Hawkeye'?" Youngbae asked, pushing in the explosive bullets. 

    "No," 

   "Watch and learn," Youngbae said and fired one. 

   The bullet sailed straight up, arching before hitting one of the helicopter's blades. It instantly swerved right, before crashing into a building top. "Okay, thanks for the lesson, hotshot," Choi said. 

   Youngbae laughed, firing another one, this time hitting the flank. 

   "They're not shooting because of the narrow road, huh?" Jiyong said, and he turned into a narrow street. "Where to, Youngbae?" 

   "Maryland!" Youngbae said and gunned down another following police car. "Go into Potomac!"

   Jiyong suddenly made a sharp left, taking the freeway. And then suddenly, the car morphed. Below, Choi took a sharp intake of breath. "I can't believe you two," he said. 

   Youngbae let go of the sniper, letting it hang over. The car had changed physically into something else, blending with the other cars. It was a gadget Daesung had made three weeks earlier. 

   "We had some friends make it," Jiyong said, still driving. "Have you contacted Daesung and Seungri?" 

   "No," Youngbae had thrown his phone out along with Jiyong's. He pulled out another one in his pocket. The one that the government had no chance of tracking. "But we should."

   "Am I in your lap?" Choi asked and Youngbae raised an eyebrow. He paused. "I promise I have eyes," he added. 

   "I'll take your promise as a promise that you have eyes," Youngbae said sarcastically. 

   Jiyong let out a laugh and Youngbae chuckled. "I worry about you two," Jiyong said. 

   "I bet you never knew I had a dark sense of humor," Choi said. 

   "I bet your life I'm gonna knock you out," Youngbae half-joked. 

   That shut Choi up because he did look like he took seriously. 

   "No, he's not, Seunghyun," Jiyong said, laughing again. "Youngbae won't knock you unless you can't rest." 

   "Speaking of rest, you should catch a snooze," Youngbae advised. "It's going to take 45 minutes to get to Potomac and you need your rest." 

   Choi nodded, and much to Youngbae's surprise he obliged with the close of his eyes. "He didn't seem like the type of person to listen," Youngbae said. 

   "I'm sure he had a reason," Jiyong answered. "He did get himself tortured."

   Youngbae dialed Daesung's number and let the phone connect to the car's Bluetooth speakers. "Dae?" he called, when the call was picked up. 

   "Oh my god, it's Youngbae-hyung!" Daesung yelled, his voice cracking. "Hyung, are you okay? And Ji-hyung?"

   "I'm here," Jiyong said, chuckling. 

   "Oh, thank the Lord," Daesung with a relieved sigh. 

   "Where you guys heading right now?" Jiyong asked. 

   "We're heading to Colorado," Seungri answered. 

   "We're going to be at Potomac. Choi got shot and we need to deal with his wounds before he set off," Youngbae said. 

   "Okay, be safe. What should we do?" Daesung asked. 

   "Go to Korea. Catch a plane and contact us," Jiyong answered. "Go home,"

   "Okay," There was excitement in Daesung's voice. "I'll see you home, 'kay, Hyungs?"

   "Definitely," Jiyong answered, smiling. 

   "Bye, oppa!" Seungri said in a high pitched voice before the call was dropped. 

   "That brat," Jiyong said and Youngbae laughed. 

   "You should take a rest too," Jiyong said. "I'll drive from here."

   "That's my line," Youngbae answered. 

   "I can't sleep," Jiyong confessed. "I don't think I can."

   As if Jiyong's words triggered it, Youngbae felt the impact of his own exhaustion. It came so strong that Youngbae felt his body sway as if he was drunk. "Yeah, you're right," Youngbae said before his eyes closed and he fell into sleep. 

* * *

 

   Jiyong parked into the shelter of the trees. He didn't know how deep it was in the forest, but it had to be deep enough for the whole trip to be two hours. He let the engine die down into total silence and looked behind to see Youngbae sleeping against the window, Choi's head on his lap. They looked almost close, like best friends. It hurt Jiyong to see Seunghyun so beat up. He could still recall the hurt look in his eyes that rainy night where they clashed. Jiyong leaned against the seat, unbuckling the seat belt and felt the wind rouse his sweat damped hair. He had the orange hair for only three days before he dyed it white again. Youngbae heavily scolded him for that but he didn't register his words. 

   There was a groan in the back and Jiyong turned his head, watching Seunghyun sit up, holding his head, face pained. "You okay?" Jiyong asked, softly. 

   Seunghyun nodded and winced. "More or less."

   "Want water?" Jiyong held out an unopened water bottle. 

   Seunghyun took it, a grateful smile on his face. He opened the cap and Jiyong watched him chug it down. "Where are we?" he asked, looking at the woodland surroundings. 

   "Potomac," Jiyong answered. "How's the wound?"

   Seunghyun looked at his leg. "It barely hurts."

   "I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing," 

   Jiyong and Seunghyun looked at Youngbae who had his eyes still closed. He opened them and rubbed his eyes. "Get out so I can at least sew it back together and take out the bullet," he said. 

   Seunghyun opened the car--now back to a Hummer--and leaned against the tree trunk, sliding down. While Youngbae tended to his wounds, Jiyong went to the back, opening the trunk. Inside were rolls of blankets, food rations, weapons, and survival kits. He dug through the emergency equipment and found two candle lamps. Opening the glass hatch, he lit them with a match, and set one beside Seunghyun's leg so Youngbae could see. "Thanks," Youngbae shot him a grateful smile and Jiyong smiled back. He caught Seunghyun's stare and turned away, face on fire, heart hammering. He took the other lot lamp and set it somewhere in the Hummer. He took a blanket roll, ripped open the plastic wrap and pulled it over his shoulders, huddling in the passenger seat. 

   "You okay?" Seunghyun's deep voice broke the silence and Jiyong looked up to see Seunghyun leaned against the door beside him. 

   "Yeah, just...overwhelmed," Jiyong said. They got out there in one peice and they were still on the run. It was like a miracle. 

   "Me too," Seunghyun said softly. "I overheard you two," he confessed. "About going to Korea."

   Jiyong looked at him. "Oh, you heard that?" Jiyong looked at his feet. "You're coming with us, right?" he asked. 

   Seunghyun sort of stilled. "Why'd you save me?" he asked. 

   Jiyong looked at him. "Because you're important to me." Jiyong said, his voice a whisper and he pulled his knees closer to his chest. 

   Seunghyun was silent and Jiyong watched him leave. Feeling a little lonely, Jiyong closed his eyes and succumbed to sleep. 

* * *

 

   "...ng...yong..."

   Jiyong frowned when he heard a distant voice and finally, something pulled his arm and Jiyong was wide-awake, gun pointed at Youngbae's forehead. He gasped. "What-"

   "You can point that at them!" Seunghyun said and as if to answer Jiyong's confused mind, helicopter lights streaked across them and Jiyong felt his eyes burn at the sudden brightness. He saw several cars surround them and there was a flurry of movements before Jiyong jumped outside, realizing they were surrounded and found. 

   "Fuck," Youngbae cursed. 

   Jiyong let his instincts take over and pulled two handguns from his belt, aimed right at the Chairman 10 feet away. He wore a black double-breasted coat which was unbuttoned. He had a smirk on his face. "My, my, my," he said. "We finally found the rats," he smiled. "And the princess."

   Youngbae shot from his sniper and it hit the army car's mirror. The Chairman didn't even flinch. The smirk was still plastered to his face. "How are you feeling, sir, after I knocked you cold? Hope the wound wasn't so deep." Youngbae said. 

   "Jiyong," Seunghyun said. "What do we do?" he whispered, his eyes flitting back and forth the agents. 

   "You're outnumbered, Jiyong, Youngbae, and Choi," The Chairman said. "You can't win and the only choice you have is death."

   "If I die, then you die with me," Jiyong snarled. 

   The Chairman raised an arm before swinging it. Gunshots exploded from every direction and Youngbae shot three explosives towards the cars while Seunghyun threw grenades. The explosions shook the ground and Youngbae pulled Jiyong. "C'mon we're going into the woods!"

   "Seunghyun!" Jiyong yelled and instantly, the former London agent was on his heels as they ran. 

   There was a rain of gunshots around them and it was a miracle how they didn't get hit. The trees proved to be more than just shelter. A tree by Jiyong's face was shot and Jiyong turned his head. "We're being trailed fast," he said. "Any more grenades?"

   Seunghyun shook his head and Youngbae chucked three into the distance. "Run faster!" he yelled over the explosions. 

    They ran faster until Youngbae let out a cry. Jiyong stopped and Seunghyun stopped ahead. "Youngbae!" he moved forward to help but Youngbae growled. 

   "Don't come here, run! Just leave me and run!" Youngbae said and a gunshot sailed over their heads. "Run," he whispered. 

   Jiyong felt his chest tear open and his began to hiccup, tears falling fast. Seunghyun had his arm and Jiyong felt his heart shatter as they ran. He couldn't stop crying as they ran. He could feel the adrenaline die down, as a dull cry screamed in his head. He didn't know if it came from him or not. 

   And the suddenly, Seunghyun shoved Jiyong away and he landed into the tree and dust flew as gunshots hit the ground where he had stood. "Seunghyun!" Jiyong screamed.  _No, not you, too._

   "Hurry up!" Seunghyun called and Jiyong ran after him. 

   "I told you, you can't run," the Chairman's voice echoed in the forest on the speakers. 

   And as if to cue, Seunghyun turned and a bullet hit him. Jiyong froze, watching Seunghyun's body fall slowly onto the ground into a heap of limbs and Jiyong suddenly unsure, despair and desperation flooding all seven senses. He didn't know they had fallen into a clearing and the wind whipped all around him as a helicopter landed. Two flew overhead, their bright lights spotlighting them. Jiyong cried out as a bullet dug into his shoulder, the pain coming like a wave. He fell to the ground, writhing and he gasped when a body landed beside Seunghyun's. Blood caked his face and Jiyong let out a sob when he saw who it was. 

   Youngbae shot in three different places, was unmoving, lying in a heap of blood as Seunghyun struggled against arms pinning him down. Jiyong felt a sob catch in his throat. This wasn't it. They promised Daesung and Seungri. They- Jiyong's head was suddenly snapped to the side and he heard a crack. He gasped, as he landed into the dust. "I told you, Jiyong. You can't kill me," the Chairman said and Jiyong crawled toward Youngbae, the world around him growing shaky. His shoulder was on fire, burning, but among the pain, was overwhelming devastation. 

   The Chairman was laughing. "How pitiful," the Chairman said. "Kill him."

   Jiyong felt like a hand gripped his heart when he heard a loud gunshot. He saw a pool of blood and Jiyong screamed in horror as Seunghyun smiled before his eyes closed. And then he was dead. Jiyong pulled a knife from his boots, teeth clenched as he struggled to stand. He was going to kill him. He was going to. Until a small voice stopped him. "Jiyong..."

   Jiyong turned to Youngbae who was watching him with half-lidded eyes. He was alive. Jiyong crawled to him and suddenly a figure stepped between them. Jiyong looked up and saw the Chairman look down on him. "You want to go to him?" he asked and Jiyong cried more. 

   "Please, don't," Jiyong begged. "Please."

   The Chairman stepped away and Jiyong saw Youngbae reaching for him. Swallowing a wrecking sob, Jiyong reached out in vain effort just to touch him. Just...Jiyong finally crawled, fingers digging into the earth, limbs struggling to move. Just a little more...finally, Jiyong wrapped his arms around Youngbae, crying into his neck as he held him. He held his face, wiping the blood away from his dirt-caked face. "Oh god, Youngbae," Jiyong said, pressing their foreheads. "Youngbae..."

   Youngbae took a rattling intake of breath. "Jiyong-"

   Jiyong felt a bullet lodged into his side and he choked out blood, holding Youngbae tighter. The sound of the helicopter blades dulled and Jiyong could only struggle to hear Youngbae. He was dying. And he was speaking. 

   "Jiyong...truth is," Youngbae spat out a gush of blood. "I loved you." 

   Jiyong felt time move still. 

   "I loved you so much," Youngbae's voice cracked and he was crying. "I just...wanted us to be happy. I just wanted you, Dae, Seungri, just us happy." 

   Jiyong felt a hot stream of tears on his face. He tried to speak but nothing could come out. His mind went numb and his chest never felt so painful. It was so, so hard to breathe. 

   Youngbae smiled weakly, a hand reaching to his face. "I loved you still, Jiyong. But...," Youngbae coughed. "I always wanted to tell you."

   "Oh, Youngbae," Jiyong finally said, cradling his face to his chest. "Youngbae..." he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

   He heard a faint chuckle. "I love you," Youngbae whispered and held his hand tight before the hold began to loosen. Jiyong lifted his head up, eyes wide as Youngbae's eyes began to close. He shook, still holding him and finally when he felt him go limp, Jiyong screamed into his chest, crying.  _This wasn't supposed to happen. He loved me! He loved me and yet..._ Jiyong felt something cold into his head and he looked up to see the Chairman. He held Youngbae closer, glaring. 

   "How does it feel, Jiyong?" the Chairman asked. "The man you thought you loved died for you. And the man that was your best friend, your partner, died. All because of you."

   Jiyong felt his shoulder shake and the pain made him dizzy. He was losing his strength. 

   The Chairman smirked and put the gun down. "Run, Jiyong," he turned. "Leave him," he said when someone came forward. "Let him die. He won't live long with his wounds. Call all the squads back."

   Jiyong looked down at Youngbae whose face was calm and relaxed. He stroked his hair, his face, and pressed their foreheads together. "I'm so sorry, Youngbae," he said and the sounds began to die, leaving dead night silence. In the dark, Jiyong could see Seunghyun lying on his side, blood pooled around him and he finally looked at Youngbae. He smiled, falling down beside him. His wounds were gushing and he could feel his conscious slip away. He held Youngbae's cold hands, hoping for the last time to warm them. He saw so many memories. The thing where you see your life flashing before your eyes. It made him stop crying, and he could only feel warmth, silent tears slipping from his eyes. 

   He saw Youngbae with his adorable eyes smiles. His warm laughs. His warm touches. His arms around him whenever they slept. His sweet voice lulling him to sleep. His grin, everything. And finally his voice. "I loved you, Jiyong. I still do." Jiyong let out a rattling breath and finally, _finally_ , closed his eyes.  _I'm sorry Daesung, Seungri._

_I'm sorry._

* * *

 

 

_The color of my heart is black  
It was burnt to black, just like that_  
 _I break glass whenever I feel like_  
 _And I look at my bloody hands and think, why am I like this?  
Why?_  
 _Your smile is shining gold  
But the way you speak, feel so cold_  
 _As time goes by, you’re becoming more like me_  
 _Sometimes I feel like karma is running after me, know_  
 _The real name of love is definitely hatred_  
 _Hope is the parent of disappointment and despair_  
 _Why didn’t I know that the shadow that has casted over my face  
Was created from the light called, you_  
 _It has been a while since the time between you and I have stopped_  
 _Misunderstanding is always the cause of pain  
Well I don’t even know myself  
So my hope for you to know me is a misunderstanding itself_  
  
  
 _If you ask me what happiness is  
When this life is done, maybe when this love is gone_  
 _If you ask me what happiness is  
You're smile out under the sun, but I'm always on the run_  
  
  
 _The color of my gloomy world is black_  
 _The beginning and end change, black and white_  
 _People are cunning,_ sometime _become delusional_  
 _Really why am I like this, why_  
 _Those lips are red, just like red lies_  
 _As time goes by, the language between the two  
The colors that each one has don’t mesh, yeah_  
 _The real name of love is definitely hatred_  
 _Hope is the parent of disappointment and despair_  
 _Why didn’t I know that the shadow that has casted over my face  
Was created from the light called, you_  
 _Since I’ve met you agony is the only thing left_  
Everyday _is series of hills of hardships and temptation_  
 _Now I sing of breaking up, I tell you_  
 _This is my last confession_  
  
  
 _If you ask me what happiness is  
When this life is done, maybe when this love is gone_  
 _If you ask me what happiness is  
You're smile out under the sun, but I'm always on the run_  
  
  
 _Someday  
When it all goes black  
I might want it all back  
But I know I can't go back to you _  
 _I’m going to go back to the way I came from, black  
The summer when you and I were hot, it’s been too long_  
 _Fade away, fade away, fade away, fade away_  
Fade away, fade away, fade away, fade away.

* * *

   12-year-old Jiyong stood in front of the YG building, heart hammering as he looked up at his mother. His mother mirrored his anxiousness and nervousness and she smiled, squeezing his hand. They went inside the agency together, taking the escalator to the CEO's office. They opened the glass door and Jiyong saw CEO Yangsuk stand, smiling. "Jiyong, right?" he went over to the kid, nodding with his mother before patting his head. "Here to sign the contract?"

   "Yes!" Jiyong piped up, excited but nervous. 

   CEO Yangsuk smiled brightly. "Okay, if you'll just sit down," he said to both of them. 

   "Ah, of course," Jiyong's mother sat down on the armchairs and Jiyong sat beside her, barely containing his excitement. This was it. This was the moment he was waiting for. 

   CEO Yangsuk set a clipboard in front of his mother. "If you could sign this and stamp your fingerprint," he instructed. 

   His mother took the pen, hand shaking slightly before she signed and stamped it. 

   Jiyong didn't hesitate as he signed and stamped, his small fingerprint red on the paper. 

   "Jiyong's contract his signed with YG and he will be a trainee here," CEO Yangsuk. "He's a skilled rapper and I did tell him to tell you to sign with me," he joked and Jiyong's mother hid her chuckle behind her hand. "I'm glad to have and I will take care of him."

   His mother nodded, smiling sadly, as she stroked Jiyong's hair. "Please take care of him." She said. 

   "Of course, ma'am."

   "Could I talk to you for a moment?" Jiyong's mother asked. 

   CEO Yangsuk nodded. "We can talk outside," he smiled at Jiyong. "We'll be back."

   Jiyong nodded a little too excitedly and his mother smiled before they left the office. He watched the door close before he looked around. There were shelves of figurines and two big ones by his desk. They looked cute and Jiyong was tempted to touch or hold one but he couldn't find the courage. So he just sat, waiting. He stared outside and jumped when the door opened. He turned and saw a boy, looking at him, curiously. 

   "Hi," the boy greeted, awkwardly. "Is CEO Yangsuk here?" 

   Jiyong stood and shook his head, feeling shy and bashful. It always happened when he met new people. "No. Are you here to sign a contract?"

   The boy nodded, a smile on his face. "You?"

   Jiyong smiled back, relieved. "I'm Jiyong, you?"

   "Youngbae. Dong Youngbae," Youngbae said and Jiyong found his eyes disappear into eye smiles. He giggled.

   "Nice to meet you, Youngbae," Jiyong said and they shared a grin. 

   How strange it was. They met but it sparked something between them. Something about Youngbae made Jiyong's chest ache a little but he ignored, too happy, too relieved. Little did he know that his boy would be someone special in his life as he grew. How tragic. 

   Like a window welcoming in a black storm. 

 

_**End of the Loser series.** _

 

_Fade away._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
